Miss March Unrated Fully Exposed Edition (2009)

What can I say about Miss March? Umm, let me think about this for a second. it isn't a bad movie, but it's not the greatest movie ever. The movie is about two friends that discover sex and interpret it in two different ways. One is obsessed with it and the other believes in abstinence. The two friends played by Zack Cregger (College, The Whitest Kids U Know) as Eugene and Trevor Moore (Marathon, The Whitest Kids U Know) as Taylor. Taylor is obsessed with playboy and Eugene is struggling with the fact his girlfriend wants to finally have sex. So, after prom they go to a party and she waits for Eugene. The only problem is that Eugene takes a couple shots and ends up falling down stairs and goes into a coma. He finally wakes up after four years and figures out that everything has changed. He finds out that his girlfriend Cindi, who is played by Raquel Alessi (Summerhood, Ghost Rider) has posed for Playboy Magazine. Now they embark on a mission to try to get her back in his life. So enjoy the madness that ensues. The one standout role for me was by Craig Robinson (Zack and Miri Make A Porno, Pineapple Express) as a rapper named Horsedick.Mpeg. He is a riot in every movie that he is in and he doesn't disappoint. I will say that the movie is not intended for children, so beware. Two And The Half Stars Out Of 5

Rob Zombie's Halloween (2007)

I was a little skeptical about remakes cause they usually suck and I was very surprised after I saw the movie. This is the third movie for Rob Zombie (House of 1000 Corpses, The Devil's Rejects) and he had a tough job on his hands. He had to figure out a way to recreate a classic in his own vision. Zombie wanted to explain more of how Michael became who he was and to be honest with you there were a lot of questions that I had about Mr. Myers. Rob Zombie does his best to explain the evolution of a innocent boy into a psychopath. He brings along his usual suspects to do the movie. Sherri Moon Zombie (Toolbox Murders, The Devil's Rejects) stars as Michael's mom, Bill Mosely (Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, The Devil's Rejects), Leslie Easterbrook (Police Academy, The Devil's Rejects), Tom Towles (House Of 1000 Corpses, The Devil's Rejects) have small roles as Hospital Guards, Sid Haig (House Of 1000 Corpses, The Devil's Rejects) plays a guy who works at a cemetery, William Forsythe (The Devil's Rejects, 88 Minutes) as Michael's Mom's Boyfriend Ronnie, Danny Trejo (The Devil's Rejects, Grindhouse) as the hospital orderly Ismail, Ken Foree (Dawn Of The Dead, The Devil's Rejects) as Big Joe Grizzly, and Lew Temple (The Devil's Rejects, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning) as another hospital orderly. The real stars of the film come in the second half of the film and make the movie great. Scout Taylor Compton (April Fool's Day, Wicked Little Things) stars as Laurie Strode and I believe she does an excellent job filling in Jamie Lee Curtis's shoes. Danielle Harris returns to where she started her career in Halloween's 4 and 5, but this time she plays Laurie's best friend Annie. Finally, Kristina Klebe takes over PJ Sole's role of Lynda and I believe she tried her best to play the foul mouthed and promiscuous Lynda. Malcolm McDowell (Clockwork Orange, Doomsday) does a terrific job filling in the giant shoes left behind by Donald Pleasence as Dr. Loomis. The premise of the movie is still the same that Michael returns home to Haddonfield and wants to kill his sister. The movie features a lot of the 80's horror stars in this movie and they are: Brad Dourif (Child's Play 1 thru 3, Bride Of Chucky) as Sheriff Bracket, Dee Wallace (Cujo, Ghoulies) as Laurie's adoptive mom, Sybil Danning (Howling 2, Chained Heat) as a nurse, and Clint Howard (Ice Cream Man, The Wraith) as Dr. Koplenson. I could go on and on as to who stars in this movie but the ones you want to know about is who plays Michael Myers? Daeg Faerch (Hancock, The Liar) plays young Michael and former wrestler turned actor and big man Tyler Mane (X-Men, The Devil's Rejects) plays the older and monstrous Michael. He does a terrific job and makes it more believeable that a man of his size could do all the damage that Michael Inflicts on others. The movie is gruesome at times and is not for children to see. Four and the Half Stars out of Five

The Devil's Rejects (2005)

The Devil's Rejects was made with the intentions that it was supposed to be a separate movie from House Of 1000 Corpses and in fact this movie actually had a plot. In terms of gruesomeness, this movie tops House all the way. It's a very graphic movie and I would suggest that children should not be allowed to watch this movie. The movie follows our infamous gang of killers as they are now on the run from the law and the ensuing mayhem that follows them. The movie stars a lot of stars from the eighties and horrors yesteryear's. For example Ken Foree (Dawn Of The Dead, Rob Zombie's Halloween) stars as Spauldings brother Charlie, Michael Berryman (The Hills Have Eyes 1 & 2) as charlies assistant, E.G. Daily (Pee Wee's Big Adventure, Loverboy) as prostitute Candy, P.J. Soles (John Carpenters Halloween, Rock And Roll High School) as Susan, Geoffrey Lewis (Salem's Lot, The Lawnmower Man) as Sullivan, and Priscilla Barnes (Stepfather 3, TVs Threes Company) as Gloria. The movie features a whole boatload more but I wanted to say that the usual cast of Baby, Otis, and Spaulding are back except for two characters. Leslie Easterbrook (Police Academy Movies, RZ's Halloween) plays the part of Mother Firefly instead of Karen Black and Tyler Mane (RZ's Halloween, X-Men) plays the Part of Rufus. The real star of the movie to me was William Forsythe (Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigilo, Gotti) as Sheriff John Quincy Wydell. He is very convincing as a man out for revenge for the deaths of all the people and his brother. This man is on a personal endeavor to destroy the gang known now as The Devil's Rejects. This one is definitely better than it's predecessor and is worth the renting. Four and the Half Stars out of Five

House Of 1000 Corpses (2003)

Since Rob Zombie is releasing Halloween 2 next month, I thought I would review his other movies. This was his directorial debut and after a long battle over distribution with Universal Studios, the film was finally released. It was definitely a different style of film that I had ever seen and it sort of resembled a lot of the music videos Zombie had directed for his own band. The movie had no real plot and was really a movie about four teens that are researching weird road side attractions and get caught up over a legend of a man known as Dr. Satan. The end up tangled in a horror show with a sadistic family and things are never the same. the family led by Sherri Moon Zombie (Toolbox Murders, The Devil's Rejects) in her debut movie as Baby, Bill Moseley (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, The Devil's Rejects) as the sadistic brother Otis, Horror Legend Karen Black (Burnt Offerings, Trilogy Of Terror) as Mother Firefly, Matthew McGrory (Big Fish, The Devil's Rejects) as the giant and deformed Tiny, Robert Allen Mukes (Drillbit Taylor, Black Mask 2) as the buffed Rufus, Exploitation legend Sid Haig (Coffy, Spiderbaby) as Captain Spaulding and Dennis Fimple (Body Slam, Maverick) as Grandpa. The movies victims are Rainn Wilson (The Office, The Rocker) as Bill, Chris Hardwick (MTV's Singled Out, Terminator 3: Rise Of The Machines0 as Jerry, Jennifer Jostyn (Lifecoach) as Mary, and Erin Daniels (One Hour Photo, Wheelman) as Denise. The Movie is an ode to old 70's horror movies like the Chainsaw films, The Hills Have Eyes, etc. There is a lot of gruesome scenes in this film so it's not for the kids to watch. I enjoyed the film I believe because I'm such a huge fan of Rob Zombie, but judge for yourself. Three And The Half Stars out of Five

G-Force (2009)

It was a cute movie about guinea pigs that are trained operatives. I had to see it in 3D and I paid 12 dollars to see it in 3D. Although, I thought at times that the 3D was rather useless and didn't feel they did a terrific job with it. The only thing that seemed it was in 3D at all times was the fly and that upset me. The movie stars every ones favorite weirdo from the summer blockbuster The Hangover Zack Galifinakis as Dan, a guy trying to get his experiment funded by the FBI and to have his Guinea pigs become agents. The Guinea pigs are voiced by Sam Rockwell (The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy, Frost/Nixon) as Darwin, Penelope Cruz (Gothika, Vanilla Sky) as Juarez, Tracy Morgan (Superhero Movie, Little Man) as Blaster, Jon Favreau (Swingers, Iron Man) as Hurley, and Steve Buscemi (Con Air, Reservoir Dogs) as Bucky. The funniest one of them all was definitely Tracy Morgans Blaster character. In my opinion, he made the whole movie enjoyable and Jon Favreau was definitely close behind in second place of the funniest characters. The whole premise of the movie is that the Guinea pigs believed they retrieved the right file to foil a scheme until the FBI believes they didn't Now, there trying to prove that they did get the right file and save them and Dans behinds. Although, I don't believe you should waste your money on the 3D version and just go see the regular version. Three Stars Out Of Five

The Unborn (2009)

This movie to me was very predictable and very cliche to me. Throughout the beginning of the movie all the way to the middle, I could predict what was going to happen and that disappointed me a great deal. The movie is about a beautiful rich girl who has all these weird things happen to her and she then finds out she has a twin who soul is possessed by a demon that has been haunting her family for years and wants to come through to this world. So, she finds herself a rabbi, a priest and has herself a exorcism. Now the last half of the film was great right until the end when it became cliche again. The movie stars Odette Yustman (Cloverfield, Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story) as our girl Casey who is haunted by her twin, Gary Oldman (Bram Stokers Dracula, The Dark Knight) as Rabbi Sendak, Jane Alexander (Brubaker, All The Presidents Men) as a woman helping Casey out named Sofi, and Atticus Shaffer (Hancock, The Middle) who is this creepy looking kid Matt. The movie briefly stars Carla Gugino (Righteous Kill, The Watchmen) as Casey's dead mother and James Remar (The Girl Next Door, Pineapple Express) as her never present but only at times father. I only give this movie Two Stars Out Of Five. Generous enough!

From The Vault: Rock & Rule (1983)

I didn't know what to expect from this movie the first time I watched it. I still don't know if it was intended for kids or adults. It's not a bad movie, but it could have been better for me. The movie takes place in the future where all of mankind has died due to the war and rats have evolved to be human like. So in the future, a legendary rock artist named Mok (regular voice by Don Francks, singing voice by legend Lou Reed) wants to conjure up a demon from another dimension (Voiced by Iggy Pop), but needs to find the perfect voice in order to conjure it up. So, he plans a search to find it and ends up finding Angel (regular voice by Susan Roman, singing voice by Deborah Harry of Blondie) and her band. Mok gets more than he bargained for when Angels friends come to try and rescue her. Omar (regular voice by Paul Le Mat, singing voice by Robin Zander of Cheap Trick) and the gang go on a quest just to try and rescue Angel no matter what Mok throws at them for obstacles. Like I said before, it's not a bad movie and you may find some enjoyment in it. Three stars out of Five.

From The Vault: Stealing Harvard (2002)

I always enjoyed watching the infamous Tom Green (Freddy Got Fingered, Road Trip) doing the insane things he did on the Tom Green Show. Then, there is Jason lee (Chasing Amy, Mallrats) who always cracks me up in anything he did with Kevin Smith. So, this seemed like a perfect combination of sorts. Tom and Jason together on screen for the first time in their respective careers. It wasn't a bad movie and it had a lot of great moments in it as well. Jason plays John Plumber, a mediocre guy who has had a lot of things go Wrong in his life as well as a lot of good fortune. Though, he is about to run into bad fortune when he finds out that his niece has been accepted in Harvard and he had promised to pay for it. The only problem is he needs 30,000 to pay for it and the only money he has is being saved to buy a starter home for him and his fiance. So, without any options he turns to his best friend Duff (Green) for some help and they run into a whole lot of trouble. Watch as Lee and Green try to come up with some schemes to steal the money. Lee's character also has an overbearing father in law for a boss, who is one of the big problems for his character. Dennis Farina (Manhunter, Striking Distance) is the overbearing father trying to screw Lee because he doesn't approve of him dating his daughter played by Leslie Mann (Knocked Up, Big Daddy). The movie also stars the late Chris Penn (Best of the Best, Footloose) as the tough David Loach, John C. McGinley (TV Show Scrubs, Office Space) as Detective Charles, Meghan Mullally (TV Show Will & Grace, Bee Movie) as Lee's white trash sister Patty, and Richard Jenkins (Step Brothers, Me, Myself & Irene) as the Dishonorable Judge Emmet Cook. The movie has some laughs to it but I saw it back in the day for the main fact that Tom Green was in it. Three Stars Out Of Five

The Education Of Charlie Banks (2007)

This was a movie made two years ago, but finally saw the light of day and release two weeks ago. It was directed by Limp Bizkit front man Fred Durst and to be honest with you I was trying to figure out what the movie was about the whole time. It stars Jesse Eisenberg (Adventureland, Cursed) as Charlie Banks, a timid and frail but wants to be cool kid. There's a fascination around a certain character that Charlie and his best friend Danny are obsessed with. Jason Ritter (Freddy Vs Jason, W.) the son of the late John Ritter plays Mick, a local bad ass that nobody messes around with in Manhattan. The chain of events starts when we see Mick beat the holy hell out of two guys at a party and Charlie rats him out to the police. He later changes his mind but has to deal with the guilt. So, he avoids certain sections in the city and while at college he runs into who he calls his boogieman, that's right Mick. The whole movie might as well be called The Education Of Mick because that's what the point of the movie seems to be. Charlie changes who Mick is and he certainly changes himself as he does not fear Mick like he used to. The movie also stars Chris Marquette (Alpha Dog, The Girl Next Door) as Danny, Eva Amurri (Saved, The Banger Sisters) as Mary, Sebastian Stan (The Covenant) as the rich kid Leo. Two Stars Out Of Five only because it bored me a little

Van Wilder: Freshman Year (2009)

Despite what I may have said in the past about my opinion on straight to video releases, this I actually did enjoy. The movie is a prequel to the original and brilliant Van Wilder film starring Ryan Reynolds and I have to say it is a tough task to follow. Jonathan Bennett (Bachelor Party Vegas, Dukes Of Hazard: The Beginning) gets the task of playing a seven years younger Van Wilder. The movie is raunchy and can be rather offensive but have a sense of humor. The movie starts off right away with a bang when Van is at graduation and while making a speech, receives fellatio from the valedictorian. Then, Van goes off to a different and not so fun Coolidge College where no sex, no booze, and no partying is the world they live in. So, Van tries to change all of that only the way he knows how. So, he enlists the help of his two new buddies; Jerry Shea (Generation Gap) plays You Dum Fok, his Chinese friend and Nestor Aaron Absera (First Role) plays his roommate and heavy pot smoker, Farley. He also gets help from his new found friend and our favorite Bulldog from the original, Colossus. He indeed returns with his over sized balls and doesn't use them like he did in the original. Van runs into some trouble early on with the dean who holds a grudge against Vans father and he is played by Kurt Fuller (Wayne's World, Ghostbusters II). The other problem is that he is in love with Kristin Cavaliri's character Kaitlin and he also has to deal with her douche bag boyfriend played by Steve Tally(American Pie's Naked Mile and Beta House). He is trying to impress Kaitlin while at the same time trying to fend off the dean and his cronies nasty games in the ROTC program. So go out and rent it and find out who wins in this epic battle of tight ass ROTC clowns or the coolest kid on campus. Three Stars Out Of Five

Knowing (2009)

I was truly interested in seeing this film directed by Alex Proyas, the man who directed I, Robot. The film stars Nicolas Cage (Matchstick Men, National Treasure) as a MIT professor whose son brings home a piece of paper with numbers written all over it. The movie starts off in Lexington, MA in 1959, where a teacher is preparing the class to draw pictures of what they think the world will be 50 years later. The class will put all of their drawings into a time capsule, but the only problem is one girl doesn't draw a picture. Instead, she writes a whole series of numbers on a piece of paper. Then 50 years later, Cage's son Caleb, receives the letter after his class opens the time capsule. He brings it home and Cage starts to suspect the numbers mean something and what he finds baffles him. The numbers are sequences of events that have happened and are about to happen. Now, cage is out to find out the truth and he's trying to prevent events from happening. It's a great movie and the ending will blow you away. Some of the notable cast are as follows, Chandler Canterbury (Powder Blue, The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button)as Caleb, Rose Byrne (Troy, 28 Weeks Later) as Diana, and Lara Robinson as both Lucinda (1959) and Abby (2009). So, go out and rent or order the film right on Pay Per View. Three and the Half Stars Out of Five

From The Vault: The Funhouse (1981)

The movie is directed by Tobe Hooper, the genius behind The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, comes back to direct this horror flick about a carnival with a deep, dark secret. The movie is about two couples who go to the carnival to have some fun until they witness a murder in one of the attractions. They plan to try and get out until one of them notices their are others there. The witness this man in a Frankenstein outfit commit the murder and when the father is asking questions, one of them let's something drop. Now, it's a race for their lives as the father gets the monster of a son he has to attack these kids to protect the family. Cooper Huckabee leads the gang as Buzz, Elizabeth Berridge as his girlfriend Amy, Largo Woodruff as Jen, and Miles Chappin as Richie are the kids who will have a night they never forget for the rest of their lives. The other notable actors in this movie Wayne Doba (Scarface, Monkeybone) plays the monster, and Sylvia Miles plays Madame Zena. This movie isn't bad, but it's no Chainsaw Massacre either. That is a hard movie to follow up for anyone to make. The theme of evil, killing families seems to be a reoccurring them for ole Tobe. Two and the half stars out of five because I thought the ending was kind of lame.

I Love You, Beth Cooper (2009)

When I saw the book in the bargain shelf at Borders, just about a year ago, I thought what the heck and I bought the book not knowing what to expect. I read the book and I loved It. When I found out a month ago that they had made a movie version of the book, I was excited because I loved the book so much and I was imagining what the film would be like. I thought the film version was good and of course they have to leave things out because the movie would then be too long. So, I left the theatre a little bit disappointed but not by much. The acting was great and they followed the book tremendously well. Of course, I was the only one in the theatre besides an older gentleman, but I feel the movie may be overshadowed by Sasha Baron Cohen's new release Bruno. Paul Rust (Semi Pro, Paper Heart) does an excellent job as the geeky Denis Cooverman, who by chance gets the night of his life after admitting and telling everyone at graduation he was in love with Beth Cooper. Hayden Panettiere (Heroes, Ice Princess) does an excellent job as the head cheerleader and main desire of Denis, Beth Cooper. Believe me, she is hot and might just be the sexiest girl in Hollywood. The real treat of the movie is Jack Carpenter (Lipshitz Saves The World, Held Up) as denis's questionably gay best friend and constant movie quoter Rick Munsch. He was the real highlight of the movie and kept the movie enjoyable by his antics. The other highlight is seeing Ferris Beuhler's best friend Cameron, Alan Ruck playing Denis's dad. The other notable actors in the film are Lauren London (Next Day Air, ATL) and Lauren Storm (The Game Plan, Whore) as Beth's friends Cammy and Treece, Shawn Roberts (X-Men, Land Of The Dead) as Beth's psycho boyfriend Kevin, Josh Emerson (Comeback Season) as Denis's former bully Greg, and Pat Finn (Dude Where's My Car?, Space Buddies) as Coach Rupp. I'm going to judge Bruno for myself later but I think this movie is a gem after all. I give it Three Stars Out Of Five